I abandoned her.

I left her broken and scared I destroyed her trust and all her joy. She’s without her family because of me. She’s stuck with me because she has no one else. I’m trash. I’m toxic. I left her there. I said I was coming And they took her away instead. Put her somewhere so horrible that she broke. I abandoned her. Me. Her world. How can she ever trust me again. How can I ever trust me again. 

Crumble

Tonight is the night. I’m crumbling all at once. I know I should be hurt and sad and angry but I’m not. No matter what happens I can not shake how I feel. Love. No matter what happens I can’t shake the love I have. For her. It will never leave. It will never wain. I would take her back right now. But I feel she could be gone forever. I feel she is beyond my reach. And as I realize this. I crumble. 

The Sun

My days have been dark

My nights have been restless

The pain is leaving its mark

I’m finally getting the message. 

Now that I’ve learned 

Now that I’m changing

My life’s getting better

My priorities rearranging 

I’m starting to feel happy again

I’m starting to feel better

When I finally have her back

My life will be all together. 

The sun is shining

Broken

I struggle every day wondering if I’ll ever have back what I lost. Its so soon but I want to grab her and hold her tight I want to show her that she’s not just some milkmaid she’s my queen. I did horrible things and have asked for forgiveness one too many times. I’m shattered broken to pieces and can’t get up. I know she doesn’t read these because I don’t think she has a blog. So since I can say this here. Please come home. I’ll do whatever I have to but I need you. I need to see you when I wake up. I can’t function anymore. I just want to prove to you I can be who you fell in love with again.. Please come home. My everything. My baby gherkin 

Gruff PT. 1

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. So I think I’ll write a post giving the basics. 

Hi my name is Michael, I’m 23 and this is the condensed story of me. I was born in Dallas TX on September 11, 1992 at Dallas medical Center. I was my mothers first child and a surprise because my mother was told she would never be able to have children. 25 months later my sister was born and that’s when the fun begins. (Instert sarcasm here)

On October 9th three days after my sister was born my best friend apparently and the only one I didn’t cry all the time with, my paternal grandmother passed away. I proceeded to run down the steep sidewalk of our house after the ambulance and fell and skid my face down the driveway, thus busting my gumline and having to have 9 caps put on my teeth (I tell everyone I had a grill before it was cool). 

Skip forward to December my mom and dad divorce. Me being as young as I was didn’t realize what that was. I just knew I wouldn’t see my dad much anymore. So over the next two years I saw my dad sparcely as he hasn’t moved away yet. Then my mom met Dan. Her and him dated for about a year then got married. Which I thought was so cool because now I had two dads. But this pushed my dad away. He moved to Indiana where he met my step mom who he dated and then a year later married. Shortly after they had my brother. So I thought life was great. Then came the next divorce. My mom and Dan split up late 1999 right after my mom had my youngest sister. We had moved to Florida for his job and now had nowhere to live so we moved in with my maternal grandparents.

So this ended up being longer than I thought. And alas I have shit to do so I’ll be writing this in multiple parts. 

And as always this is me

Your friendly neighborhood
Gruff

Feeling stronger..

Recently sir and I have been reevaluating a lot of things. We came to some big dicisons and I can honestly say I feel so much stronger because of them. This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.